7 Unexpected Lessons I Learned From Starting A Small Business As A Stay At Home Mom
You decided to go into business for yourself. You dreamt of having the flexibility of picking your kids up from school, of working remotely and creating a life that allows you to go on more vacations, having a healthy cushion of income coming in and of being your own boss.
When talking to other women small business owners we can all agree on one thing, we want to provide for our family and have something that’s our own.
I’m all for that!
When I found out about being a Virtual Assistant, I dove head first into my journey as a small business owner. I knew instantly, this is what I need to be doing so that I could be present for my kids in their tiny years of life.
Naturally, I slowly transitioned into Web Design. I found I had a passion for both creativity and technology. I dove into courses and spent countless hours practicing my skills and building custom Squarespace websites.
I learnt the hard way that I needed to create a schedule that both allowed me to dedicate time to growing my business, and my desire to be ‘mom’ during the day. I found that I needed to honor my energy level and work at times that made sense for me.
I attempted waking up early, before the kids so that I could get in some focused time but my kids started waking up as early as 5 am and I only lasted a couple of days waking up at 4 am to work.
With three little ones at home with me, I thought I could do it all. Create amazing content, build my email list, spend time with my kids, and carve out time for self-care but honestly, I ended up falling short everywhere.
I was too tired to play with the kids, and sometimes cleaning the house allowed me to clear my head. I expected myself to put the kids to bed AND work on my business in the evening. I was fitting my work into whatever time I could find and I wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted in my business so one day I decided to change it all.
My youngest at the time of writing this post is one month away from turning one. It’s a little bittersweet. I absolutely adored her as an infant. She’s that baby whose smile lights up the room.
I dedicated the first three years of my business to slow growth and being present with my family.
This year, with me newly turning 33, I decided that now it was time to change how I’ve been approaching both motherhood and entrepreneurship.
Mindset
How true is it that mindset is everything? Have you ever had a moment in business where you wanted so badly to reach a goal?
Whether that be to post consistently on Social Media or on your Blog, or to sign a new client only to find yourself a month later in the same spot you were before.
It’s a huge hurdle to overcome and one that a lot of new business owners face. For the first time in your career, you are the one who is responsible for the well-being of your company. It’s well, daunting. There’s a give and take in where you spend your time and energy, especially when running your business as a one (wo)man show!
I hit the point in my business where I wanted to achieve more. I wanted to show up in a way that gave me financial freedom, allowed me to have more energy for my kids and to grow my business the way I dreamt of.
There is a sacrifice that comes with this of course. Less time in the evening to decompress. Handing bedtime over to my husband so I can get out of the house to work. A question I asked myself this year was - Do I want to continue in my life and business as is or do I want to take action to move forward and achieve all those great goals I set out for myself?
Just as I announced my new mindset on how to move forward, I saw and now watched “I Will make you Rich” on Netflix and was reaffirmed that I was on the right path. for my Rich Life. I had the clarity that I needed to bring more income in and that was empowering. It felt good to know that I could make a healthy income and help support my family by doing something that I really enjoyed doing.
This is what I came up with so far for my Rich Life (I’m still waiting to read the book at the time of writing this post)…
Freedom to spend my days with my kids and be able to pick them up from school
The flexibility to take off July + August every year
Not having to worry about spending money
Going on vacation 1-2 times a year
Autosave money for three months of an emergency fund, towards buying a second car for the family and a downpayment on our family home
I saw the number of visitors on my website go up 65% in just one month just from improving my SEO and gaining clarity over who I wanted to serve.
I experience a few a-ha moments where I learnt that I was self-sabotaging and not allowing myself to fail by not applying myself fully.
TAKEAWAY: Set goals for yourself in business and in life and make an action plan to start achieving your goals. Start by creating a one year plan, and break it down by each business quarter and then further break it down into monthly actionable steps to measure your progress.
RESOURCES: HOW TO GET RICH
Daily Affirmations
Being a mom and a small business owner I personally feel a lot of pressure, self-inflicted pressure to be perfect.
To show up perfectly all the time and it’s simply not possible. My kids need to see me fail, to work through struggles. I want to give them the tools they need to thrive, to overcome obstacles. I want them to be proud of me, of themselves. To go after their wildest dreams. Which meant I had to do the same. Talk about terrifying.
I few repeating themes I caught myself narrating to myself daily was, ‘I can’t do this’.
I instead flipped it around to ‘I am doing my best and my best is enough’ It helps me to slow down and realize that yes, I have a lot on my plate. I need to acknowledge the way that I’m feeling, which is overwhelmed a lot of the time. Having three kids, 5 and under is no joke.
Some other affirmations that help me in times of doubt or overwhelm are:
I am good at what I do and I’m grateful to help others
I believe in myself
I am worthy
I am healthy, wealthy and thriving
My breath is my anchor, my anchor is my breath
ACTION STEP: Set a timer for 10 minutes and write down as many affirmations that come to mind.
Feel free to search Pinterest for inspiration. I like to save all my affirmations in a board called “Inspiration”.
Once the timer is up, narrow your list down to the top 5 that resonate with you and post them somewhere you will read them daily. You can print them off or write them on a sticky note that you read when you first wake up or while you’re getting ready for the day.
BONUS: While you’re all snuggled up in bed, tell yourself what three things you are grateful for today. You can either write your three things down in a gratitude journal or say them out loud before you fall asleep.
If you’re feeling restless or like your brain is on overdrive, it’s helpful to repeat this mantra “I did all that I can today, and now it is time to rest”
Setting Boundaries
A big shift in my schedule and business has been dedicating Tuesday and Thursday evenings to work. Where my husband takes over bedtime and I head out to work. I also work every other Saturday for three hours. Showing up just 3 days a week has reduced a ton of stress.
I used to stress constantly about when I was going to work. I would try squeezing in 30 minutes when the kids were busy but it always ended up in me frustrated and the kids wanting my attention.
It never felt quite right. So now knowing that I have dedicated time to work and not take care of the kids simultaneously has been immensely helpful.
Now when the boys are in preschool and I’m home with my youngest, I spend time with her, I watch a tv show while she naps and I can do some light cleaning. It feels a whole lot less chaotic and it’s helped me break up the day.
I also take the weekend off now. Other than my few hours every other Saturday. I want to enjoy my family time because we are in such a unique time of life.
It’s challenging and exhausting but it’s also beautiful to see them turn into little humans and share their discoveries with me. Although sometimes hearing my name called for the tenth time in two minutes is a little bit much I’m learning to set boundaries so that when I’m overwhelmed I can ask for a minute to myself so I can collect my thoughts.
I try to narrate as much as possible how I’m feeling and I work through my emotions with the kids. I’ll say I’m feeling overwhelmed that the baby needs me to feed her, and your brother also wants me to play with him and I need to still pack lunches. Can I have 10 minutes and come back to you when I’m ready?
It’s a work in progress but a book that I’ve been reading that has helped me set more healthy boundaries is “Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child” by Robert MacKenzie.
Even though it’s written for Strong-Willed Children I like that it applies to all relationships and temperaments.
It’s been helpful in getting me out of stagnant mindsets and adjusting my expectations.
ACTION STEP: If you don’t have a set work schedule already, schedule out times of the week you would like to work in your calendar. I recommend scheduling out time without kids in the background. However, I totally understand that’s not always possible.
For tips on working at home with kids, check out How To Work At Home With Toddlers.
If you have already been using a set schedule, take a few minutes to review if the schedule has been working for you.
Do you find you are completing all the work you set out for yourself? Or do you ding you have way too much work to complete and not enough time?
Are there tasks that are taking up too much of your time, that you could outsource?
Look at your current workflows, are there places you could automate tasks?
Taking time for physical activity
It’s been six years of pregnancy, nursing and postpartum for me and I’ve lost touch with healthy ways to deal with stress.
In high school, I used to participate in sprints and cross-country running. I would train for events and I actually had a collection of all the ribbons I won over my years of competing. I remember for a small period of time I had my ribbons and medals displayed carefully on the wall above my bed. I remember how carefully I lined up each ribbon, proudly displaying my 1st place ribbons. It’s funny, I hadn’t thought of that memory in forever until now. I remember how proud of myself I was for being truly good at something like running.
Even though it’s been years since I’ve run, I’ve been able to get right back into it - and it feels good to move my body in a familiar way.
Being able to go outside and be in the fresh air helps me reduce my stress level and having that little bit of time to myself in the early morning when I’m not taking care of anybody else's needs has been therapeutic for me. Where we live there is a lot of deer in the neighborhood. I often see about two or three of them munching on a neighbor’s garden as I stride by.
I hate to admit that I always want to hit the perfect run. Where I run the entire distance, exerting the perfect amount of energy but I’m challenging myself to think instead of how good it feels to move my body and have that time to be alone before the busy day starts.
I remind myself that it’s good enough that I am making the effort to move my body and focus on my health. I don’t have to complete every run perfectly to benefit my health.
ACTION STEP: What activities do you enjoy doing for exercise? Schedule just 30 minutes each day to move your body. It can be as simple as going for a walk.
BONUS: Schedule your exercise into your calendar
Outsourcing tasks (in business and in the home)
I received the Dubsado weekly newsletter recently and was reading through it and it was speaking on how May is Mental Health awareness and tips for taking care of yourself.
An idea that really struck a cord for me was outsourcing tasks in my business and in the home. Now this is not a novel idea by any means but it had me rethink what I might be able to apply in my own life. Having both of my boys in preschool has helped me immensely by having dedicated time where I don’t have to think up activities for them to do or feed them another snack or take them out to play. I am able to send them to preschool and know they are hitting all those things I love for them to do in a day but sometimes I can’t possibly do.
I started thinking of ways I can simplify my own life and what I can do to lessen my workload so I can enjoy life more.
hiring a babysitter so my husband and I could spend more time together one on one.
hiring a cleaner to help me once or twice a month to keep up with the house and spend more time actually getting down on the floor and playing with the kids.
Outsourcing repeatable tasks to a VA so that I can focus on creating content and building more websites.
I know that I only want to spend a certain amount of time working in a week because I value being with my kids during the day and the thought of someone else taking care of the finishing touches and scheduling of my blog posts and newsletters sounds idyllic.
TAKEAWAY: Outsourcing tasks can be a great way to free up more time and energy, especially as a small business owner. Can you think of three tasks you could outsource in business or in the home?
Self-care moments
I like the idea of treating myself throughout the day and asking myself what feels good today. Thank you, Yoga with Adrienne for bringing this phrase into my vocabulary.
Sometimes that means binge-watching bad tv or sipping on a nice cup of tea. Sometimes it's blasting music and dancing in the kitchen. Sometimes it's a heart-to-heart conversation and sometimes it's journaling or slowing down with yoga.
Some days I need more self-care moments.
I recently watched “The Light We Carry: Michelle Obama and Oprah”. What stood out to me was the idea of loving yourself and what others think of you doesn’t matter. That was powerful. As a people pleaser, I could definitely resonate with this.
Wow. I remember a time, right before kids when I felt this. I felt unstoppable. Beautiful. Powerful. I felt like a ray of sunshine and life was good.
I got lost a little in the everyday bustle of keeping tiny humans alive and lack of sleep. Don’t get me wrong a beautiful time of life but a lost myself a little.
Now I’m back on the journey to finding myself.
I’m getting to know this version of myself. And it’s hard. It’s transformative. It’s a lot of gratitude and repetition. It’s a self-love journey and I’m grateful to be getting to know this new version of Katie.
There are so many tools to balancing it all but I’m finding that I can have it all but I can’t have it all at the time. What I want right now is the flexibility to be with my family and to spend my evenings helping fellow business owners live the dream they had when they started their small businesses.
In all this uncertainty it was glaringly obvious that I just want to help fellow small business owners reach their website dreams. To make getting online simple, straightforward and stress-free.
I help business owners at all stages of their website goals - a place to send potential clients to learn more about their business and to show up professionally. Check out my Two-week website package.
And for small business owners just starting out and wanting to try their luck at building their own websites. I give you the tools to customize a Squarespace template for your business.
We are all on this crazy journey, but we can support each other in being successful by tapping into our zone of genius and prioritizing what really matters.
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